make it work.

There are so many things that remind me of my mom. I think it is great, but during this time of transition it is hard. We used to talk about Project Runway a lot. I still watch it and think of her. I have taken on a lot of responsibility with her passing and most of the time I think of Tim Gunn from Project Runway's catch phrase "Make it work." I feel like that is all I am doing; I am just trying to make it work.

It is a weird bunch of emotions, things I used to do a lot seem less enjoyable because there is a tinge of saddness lurk on the perimeter.

I used to call my mom everyday... usually more than once a day. I had so many fututre plans with her. We used to always talk about all the fun things we wanted to do when Chris finally gradutes and we move back to California. We can still do a lot of it, but it just feels differnt and empty to think about it now.

I used to blog in part to let her know what is going on with the kids. I guess it is more for a record now.

Honestly, I don't miss my mom as much for myself as I do for everyone else. I hate the fact that all the grandkids don't get to know her as much as I want them to. She loved being a grandma, and was getting so excited for the kids to get older and work on art projects with her.

I just have so much to sort out, on every level. It just seems so wrong. Life feels off.

This post wasn't really supposed to be about this at all. It was supposed to be about coping with being a bi-location family. Chris has done a great job of coordinating the kids. Setting-up speech therapy for both Kiah and Eli. As a side note, Anna is very "talkative" but since her two older siblings are in speech therapy for unitellagibility, I am a bit concerned. Does she really have a chance? Anyway. They sound like they are doing great.

I was going to go down to San Diego this weekend, and I still might, just a day later. I haven't seen the Bunnells in some time. Mike is visiting this weekend too, but his wife Emily got sick and they think it might be Swine flu. I think I already had it, but Anna hasn't. So we will wait another day to see how Emily is feeling.

We had a small, and I mean teeny, 1st birthday celebration on Anna's birthday. It was just Anna, PeePaw, and me. We watched Monday night football and gave Anna a box of tissue and a roll of TP. It was fun to watch her. We ended it when she tried to eat it. I figure we will do something bigger when we get back with Kiah and Eli. which we finally have a date for. I am anxious to be home, but I am nervous about leaving.