I really have a hard time being a mom sometimes. I just miss having a life. I don't know how to have a life anymore now that I have kids. I hate it. I go through this phase with every child. I just don't know who I am anymore. I am NOTHING like what Luna used be. I feel so lonely and isolated. I used to be so social. Those that knew me before kids would not believe how different my life is now.
I don't know how to change it. I used to have friends. I used to get calls. I used to have parties, dinners, gatherings. I used to organize outings. Now the only people I talk to seem to be the nursing staff at the pediatricians office and it mainly revolves around making sure shot records are up to date.
I keep thinking someday I will have friends again that we do stuff with, but honestly, why will it be any different in the future. Somehow I have changed from an outgoing social butterfly to an awkward outcast. What happened? It used to be so easy for me. I am not the person Chris married. I don't even recognize myself. I think it is a good thing I didn't know this would happen before I had babies. I would have had my tubes tied!
5 comments:
I think we all feel this way! I think we will find ourself again someday--hopefully.
Those words were true to me too after having Rhylan. I lived in a basement apartment with one window and it was winter in Utah...ugg. Those two things only added to the lonely isolated feelings. I think we are still learning how to be mothers, it is a hard thing to learn and our lives kind of do get put on hold... or maybe they just change. I have found it really take a lot of effort to get out, and make friends now. Don't worry I don't think it last forever!
I want to leave a comment but Rachel needs me ha! I'll call you later! You know I love you Luna!
I will never forget the Rootbeer tasting night you and Chris organized, that was pretty much the coolest thing ever. I miss you guys. I have been letting myself have friends that call me and make me do stuff. I need people that can really take the reins and get me out of the house. I am so bad about doing things on my own, always have been. If it's important to you to "have a life" outside kids that is, you have to just do it. I know that many other moms are like me and wait for a friend to call, be that friend. Make it happen!!!
Oh my darling Luna. How I have had those thoughts. It's called depression. You can do it!!! Just get out there. And don't worry. With me, I can't ever be who I was before I had kids, because I have kids, but I think it is possible to find and make a new you, that you are comfortable with. We do make sacrifices as parents, but they are worth it and I know you know it. You are a terrific mom and your kids are so lucky to have you.
Post a Comment